Blame It On Love - Demented Poetry & Quotes

Mars (no replies)

eeek — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 19:32:47 -0800

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit.… Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
—James Danforth Quayle

I would never want to be a member of a group... (1 reply)

eeek — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 20:45:33 -0800

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
--George Carlin

shitmydadsays (no replies)

eeek — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 17:06:49 -0800

"It's never the right time to have kids, but it's always the right time for screwing. God's not a dumbshit. He knows how it works."

http://www.twitter.com/shitmydadsays

Tell me I'm pretty (2 replies)

eeek — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:00:40 -0800

Kaylee: "Everybody's got somebody..." (wistfully) "Wash, tell me I'm pretty..."

Wash: "Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion."

Kaylee: " 'Cause I'm pretty?"

Wash: " 'Cause you're pretty."

Kaylee: "Thank you. That was very restorative."

Heterosexuality (no replies)

eeek — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 21:45:03 -0700

Heterosexuality isn't normal, it's just common. ~dorothy parker

Diamonds (no replies)

eeek — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 20:57:28 -0700

"Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute!" —Ron White

Fast Food (1 reply)

eeek — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 12:30:07 -0700

"I stopped eating fast food altogether after reading Fast Food Nation. Except for In n Out, which runs in my veins at this point."
--Jewel Staite

sunken ships (no replies)

eeek — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 13:40:07 -0700

An underwater archeologist named Tex,
found sunken ships made him think about sex;
for some reason or another
they reminded him of his mother,
so he called them his Oedipus wrecks...

Be Happy (1 reply)

eeek — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 08:01:04 -0700

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.
-The Dalai Lama

Meat (no replies)

eeek — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 17:38:04 -0700

"When meat goes past the expiration date I pretend I'm in England."

One disk to rule them all (no replies)

eeek — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 15:28:16 -0700

"One disk to rule them all, One disk to find them. One disk to bring
them all and in the darkness grind them. In the Land of Redmond
where the shadows lie."

-- The Silicon Valley Tarot

turn those eyes away from me! (5 replies)

eeek — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 21:22:04 -0700

Oh, turn those eyes away from me!
Though sweet, yet fearful are their rays;
And though they beam so tenderly,
I feel, I tremble ’neath their gaze.
Oh, turn those eyes away! for though
To meet their glance I may not dare,
I know their light is on my brow,
By the warm blood that mantles there.

Preservation (no replies)

eeek — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 16:33:49 -0700

PRESERVATION.

My maiden she proved false to me;

To hate all joys I soon began,

Then to a flowing stream I ran,--
The stream ran past me hastily.

There stood I fix'd, in mute despair;

My head swam round as in a dream;

I well-nigh fell into the stream,
And earth seem'd with me whirling there.

Sudden I heard a voice that cried--

I had just turn'd my face from thence--

It was a voice to charm each sense:
"Beware, for deep is yonder tide!"

A thrill my blood pervaded now,

I look'd and saw a beauteous maid

I asked her name--twas Kate, she said--
"Oh lovely Kate! how kind art thou!

"From death I have been sav'd by thee,

'Tis through thee only that I live;

Little 'twere life alone to give,
My joy in life then deign to be!"

And then I told my sorrows o'er,

Her eyes to earth she sweetly threw;

I kiss'd her, and she kiss'd me too,
And--then I talked of death no more.

--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Not mine, but wonderfully ironic (no replies)

doflagie — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 12:16:08 -0700

Robert Service (1874-1958)

MY MADONNA

I haled me a woman from the street,
Shameless, but, oh, so fair!
I bade her sit in the model's seat
And painted her sitting there.

I hid all traces of her heart unclean;
I painted a babe at her breast;
I painted her as she might have been
If the Worst had been the Best.

She laughed at my picture and went away.
Then came, with a knowing nod,
A connoisseur, and I heard him say;
"'Tis Mary, the Mother of God."

So, I painted a halo round her hair,
And I sold her and took my fee,
And she hangs in the church of Saint Hillaire,
Where you and all may see.

Nature (2 replies)

eeek — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 15:08:35 -0700

Dedicated urbanites "know" beyond shadow of doubt - because doubt never raises its disturbing head - that civilization is the real world: you only "escape" to wilderness. When you're out and away and immmersed, you "know" the obverse: the wilderness world is real, the human world a superimposed facade... The controversy is, of course, spurious. Neither view can stand alone. Both worlds are real. But the wilderness world is certainly older and will almost certainly last longer. Besides, the second view seems far healthier for a human to embrace.
--Colin Fletcher

John Muir (1 reply)

eeek — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 12:20:17 -0700

"I never tried to abandon creeds or code of civilization; they went away of their own accord ... without leaving any consciousness of loss." John Muir

Chemistry Lesson (2 replies)

eeek — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 00:34:01 -0700

Jimmy was a chemist,
But Jimmy is no more
'Cause what he thought was H20
Was H2SO4!

Limerick for the Cold and Flu Season (1 reply)

doflagie — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 17:21:58 -0700

{Cough} {Cough} {Snort} {Cough} {Cough} {Snort} {Achoo}
{Cough} {Cough} {Snort} {Cough} {Cough} {Snort} {Long Blow}
{Cough} {Cough} {Snort} {Cough} {Cough} {Snort}
{Cough} {Cough} {Snort} Excuse Me!
{Cough} {Cough} {Snort} {Cough} {Cough} {Snort} {Achoo}

Red Dwarf (no replies)

eeek — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 03:17:17 -0700

"Frankenstein was the creator, not the monster. It's a common misconception, held by all truly stupid people."
- Kryten

Flailings of a Broken Mind (12 replies)

doflagie — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 20:54:35 -0700

-- All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
-- When there are visible vapors having the prevenience in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.
-- Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.
-- A plethora of individuals wither expertise in culinary techniques vitiated the potable concoction produced by steeping certain coupestibles.
-- Eleemosynary deeds have their initial incidence intramurally.
-- Male cadavers are incapable of yielding testimony.
-- Individuals who make their abode in vitreous edifices would be well advised to refrain from catapulting projectiles.
-- Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minikin.
-- Members of an avian species of identical plumage congregate.
-- Surveillance should precede saltation.
-- Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.
-- It is fruitless to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lacteal fluid.
-- Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.
-- Eschew the implement of correction and vitiate the scion.
-- The temperature of the aqueous content of an unremittingly galled saucepan does not reach 212 degrees Farenheit.
-- The writing implement is more potent than the claymore.
-- The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby theoptimal cachinnation.

Is a brain stretcher be something that improves the mind or something on which one would carry the brain after attempting interpretation of thoughts like these?

Love Quotes (38 replies)

eeek — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 12:18:35 -0700

"I believe you, dearest, and my happiness is indeed great if you feel
that your love for me cannot be increased. But learn also, delight of my
heart, that I have done it all only to try to love you even more than I
do, if possible. I wish to see you beautiful and brilliant in the attire
of your sex, and if there is one drop of bitterness in the fragrant cup
of my felicity, it is a regret at not being able to surround you with the
halo which you deserve. Can I be otherwise than delighted, my love, if
you are pleased?"

Feelings (1 reply)

eeek — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 13:40:04 -0800

There's a feelin' comes upon you,
when your pocket book is low.
Sort of like that feelin'
when you watch a loved one go.
But there's none can match the feelin'
of frustration in your soul,
when your reachin' for the paper
and there's nothin' on the roll.

Sal (no replies)

eeek — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 12:47:05 -0700

Sal is feared by all of us,
But he's a decent fella.
His label is a handicap:
His name is Sal Monella. -- Al Willis

Mary (3 replies)

eeek — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 02:10:10 -0700

Mary had a little lamb,
she kept him in the closet,
and when she let him out again,
he'd left a small deposit.

Lies and Damn Lies (no replies)

doflagie — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 22:01:01 -0700

                                                                                        Fib

                                                                                                      Lie

                                                                                                   Lie, fib

                                                                                                  Would I fib?

                                                                                              I would never lie.

                                                                                       Why would I ever fib or lie?

                                                                    Could it be for progress fibs and fast egressing lies?

                                                    Is it always best to tell the truth, even in it's brutal nakedness?  While a fib,

Will sooth and never slay.  Best to tell part truth,  a lie that's never seen.  The tool of choice, of course, this is, a fib or not  seen expression. 

                                                                                            Momi!!!     
                                                                                          I Did It!!!!   
                                                                                              But
                                                                                       What did I do?

Nashtiness (no replies)

eeek — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 00:44:49 -0700

I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all.

Cats on the Rooftops (no replies)

doflagie — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 11:49:41 -0700

Do songs count as poetry??/

Cats On The Rooftop
Tune: John Peel

CHORUS:
Cats on the rooftop, cats on the tiles,
Cats with the clap and cats with piles,
Cats with their arseholes wreathed in smiles,
As they revel in the joys of fornication.

When you wake up in the morning with the devil of a stand,
From the pressure of the liquid on the seminary gland,
If you haven't got a woman, use your own horny hand,
As you revel in the joys of masturbation.

The Australian lady emu when she wants to find a mate,
Wanders round the desert with a feather up her date,
You should see that feather, when she meets her destined fate,
As she revels in the joys of fornication.

The poor domestic doggie, on his chain all day,
Never gets a chance to get himself a lay,
So he licks himself in a frantic way,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The dainty little skylark sings a very pretty song,
He has a ponderous penis fully forty cubits long,
You should hear his high crescendo, when his mate is on the prong,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The whale is a mammal, as everybody knows,
He takes two days to have a shag, but when he's in the throes,
He doesn't stop to take it out; he piddles through his nose,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

Little Mary Johnson will be seven next July,
She's never had a naughty, but she thought she'd like to try,
So she took her daddy's walking stick and did it on the sly,
As she reveled in the joys of fornication.

The poor old rhinoceros, so it appears,
Never gets a grind in a thousand years,
But when he does, he makes up for arrears,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

In Egypt's sunny clime, the crocodile,
Gets a flip only once in a while,
But when he does, it floods the Nile,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The wild boar in the mud all day,
Thinks of the sows that are far, far away,
And the corkscrew motion of half a day,
As he revels in the joys of masturbation.

Now a funny old fish is the old sperm whale,
With a funny little diddle tucked beneath his tail,
And he rides his missus in the teeth of a gale,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

Now I met a girl who had a great rear,
And she gave me a dose of gonorrhea,
Fools rush in where angels fear,
As I reveled in the joys of fornication.

Long-legged curates grind like goats,
Pale-faced spinsters shag like stoats,
And the whole damn world stands by and gloats,
As they revel in the joys of fornication.

The ostrich in the desert is a solitary chick,
Without the opportunity to dip its wick,
But whenever it does, it slips in thick,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The ape is small and rather slow,
Erect he stands for a foot or so,
So when he comes its time to go,
As he revels in the joy of fornication.

The flea disports among the trees,
And there consorts with whom he please,
To fill the land with bastard fleas,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The elephants cock is big and round,
A small one scales a thousand pound,
Two together rock the ground,
As they revel in the joys of fornication.

The camel likes to have his fun,
His night is made when he is done,
He always gets two humps for one,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The donkey is a lonely bloke,
He hardly ever gets a poke,
But when he does he lets it soak,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

Poor old bovine, poor old bull,
Very seldom gets a pull;
But when he does, the cow is full,
As he revels in the joys of copulation.

Poor little tortoise in his shell,
Doesn't manage very well;
But when he does he fucks like hell,
As he revels in the joys of copulation.

The orangutan is a colorful sight,
There's a glow on its ass like a pilot light,
As it jumps and it leaps in the night,
As it revels in the joys of fornication.

The hippopotamus, so it seems,
Very rarely has wet dreams,
But when he does he comes in streams,
As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The oyster is a paragon of purity,
And you can't tell the he from the she,
But he can tell and so can she,
As they revel in the joys of fornication.

A thousand verses all in rhyme,
To sit and sing them seems a crime,
When we could better spend our time,
Reveling in the joys of fornication.

POV (1 reply)

eeek — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 22:05:23 -0700

Everyone has a responsibility to not only tolerate another person's point of view, but also to accept it eagerly as a challenge to your own understanding. And express those challenges in terms of serving other people.

Arlo Guthrie

Them Moose Goosers (no replies)

doflagie — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 21:36:04 -0700

I've been reading an old copy of "The Mason Williams Reading Matter". Y'all are in trouble :-)

How about Them Moose Goosers,
Ain't they recluse?
Up in them boondocks,
Goosin' them moose.

Goosin' them huge moose,
Goosin' them tiny,
Goosin' them meadow moose,
In they hiney.

Look at Them Moose Goosers
Ain't they dumb?
Some use an umbrella
Some use a thumb.

Them obtuse Moose Goosers,
Sneakin' through the woods,
Pokin' them snoozy moose,
In they goods.

How to be a Moose Gooser?
It'll turn ye puce.
Gitchy gooser loose and
Rouse a drowsy moose!

Tribute, Eh? (no replies)

doflagie — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 21:04:43 -0700

The, uh, snowy mountains are like really cold, eh?
And the, um, plains stretch out like my moms girdle, eh?
There's lotsa beers and doughnuts for everyone, eh?
So the last one to be peaceful and everything is a big idiot,
Eh?
So shut yer face up and dry yer mucklucks by the fire, eh?
And dream about girls with their high beams on, eh?
They may be cold, but that's okay! Beer's better that way!
Eh?
-- A, like, Tribute to the Great White North, eh?
Beauty!